Discovery: The Power of NO

I recently attended a women's retreat at one of my girlfriend's church and we were studying the book The Emotionally Healthy Woman by Geri Scazzero.  While studying this book I learned something about myself.  I have problems saying no.  Amazed that I discovered this about myself after 54 years on this planet, I decided to try to be more cognizant and practice speaking my truth.  The author suggested you speak the truth in the following ways: respectfully, honestly, clearly and timely.

Needless to say, once you determine you're going to do something you are immediately put to the test.  The retreat ended on a Saturday afternoon; I planned on leaving immediately afterward and going home to get some much needed rest.  My friend had been going through some things and decided to go to the mall and do some retail therapy.  Did she ask me to go?  No.  Did I volunteer to go?   Yes.  Test #1 EPIC FAIL

OK, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!!!  Determined to make this happen, my next opportunity came at the place where I spend most of my time: work.  Swamped with my own work and covering for my counterpart who was on vacation we had another team member to email me at the last minute and copy my boss to say she was going to be out during the same time period and needed me to cover some jobs for her.  My response was respectful, honest, timely and clear when I said no and stated my reasons why.  My boss intervened and pointed out that I was the only one who had access to all the programs needed to do the person's job and while she had requested access for others it was too short of notice for tech support to work on it.  Test #2 not my fault, but nevertheless ,FAIL.

I was going to make this thing work so  I made a concerted effort to say what I mean and mean what I say.  The next opportunity presented itself a week later while attending church with my sorority sisters.  My plan was to attend service, pick up some lunch on the way home and enjoy it in front of a movie while getting some much needed rest.  After service the discussion of "Are you hungry?"  "Where are we going to eat ?" " Are you coming?" came up.  I immediately said yes and started to my car when I got a nudge from my conscience.  I went back to the group and said" You know, I'm tired, I think I'm going to go home." and said my goodbyes.  You know what?  The world didn't end!!  Test #3 PASS

Then came the biggest test:  Thanksgiving.  I always go to my hometown and spend time with my family.  I also have standing invitations at three friends houses every year but for some reason this year I wanted to see if I could make my own dinner and spend a peaceful day at home alone.  So after much inner turmoil , debate and prayer I contacted my family and declined ( not without some discussion, LOL), contacted my friends and declined and did what I wanted to do .  Guess what?  The meal was delicious, the day was peaceful and most importantly I did it my way!   Test #4 PASS

So does this mean I have mastered the art of saying no?  I'm still a work in progress but I'm going to keep working at it until it becomes second nature.  This blog and the pictures on it will serve as my reminder.  Sharing it with others will be my accountability.  Wish me luck!